U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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