Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
