You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
