I didn't shave. On purpose
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
