And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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