Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
