$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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