I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
ttyl tear gas
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
