omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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