i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
