I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
