see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
