I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
