I want to walk on stilts...naked
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
