oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
