He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
