woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
