Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
