We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
