There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Randomize