You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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