If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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