Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize