between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
