So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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