My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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