so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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