his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
