When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
