im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't deserve a penis
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
