too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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