your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
