I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
