I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
