I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
