I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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