You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
