I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize