Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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