OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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