the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
