i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
