I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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