hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize