I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
