i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
