i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
