We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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