oh god the rape fog is back!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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