So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
