I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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