Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
