I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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