So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize