Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
