you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
