Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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