I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
