Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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