just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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