Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
