and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
