I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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