just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
