so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
