That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Fuck appropriateness.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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