you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize