He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
