pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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