So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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