Porn is love you can see.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
