you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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